A friend here in Aotearoa New Zealand mentioned the Check Point corporate anthem in passing, and something from the early 2000s lodged in the back of my memory came back immediately. The mention sent me back down a rabbit hole I had apparently visited before, and at the bottom of it was a song that a major security company spent serious money producing, and which has been preserved on the internet with a warning that it could turn a Buddhist monk into a homicidal raving maniac. That warning was not exaggerating.

The original is below. Listen at your own risk or pleasure.

The song is a product of its era, early 2000s corporate America at peak confidence, when marketing departments genuinely believed a professionally produced anthem would make engineers feel something other than secondhand embarrassment. The production values are sincere, the lyrics are committee-shaped, and the climax involves a choir belting "CHECKPoooooint, you can be SUUURE" over what can only be described as evil satanic disco trance salsa. It did not work as intended then, and it works now only as an accidental time capsule of an industry that confused enthusiasm with credibility and branding with purpose.

So I fed it to AI, the lyrics, the character, the aesthetic, the whole absurd premise, and asked it to reimagine the song as deliberate satire. It turns out that corporate cybersecurity culture in 2026 still sees familiar. Sadly, I couldn’t export the video without paying for the subscription, so please click the link below to see and hear the new version:

Click here to view the updated AI ‘enhanced’ version.